I decided to go out on a limb and post my revised New Voices chapter over at Writing.com. If you’re so inclined to read either version, or to see how I revised, take a look:
I took into account some of the comments I received from the competition:
- Make Callie more relatable. I tried to tone Callie down a little without actually changing her. Not sure if others will find her any more likable, but I definitely tried.
- Some people found the “fight” in the beginning jarring. I *kind of* understood what some people were saying, but I also thought some responses were a little over the top. So, I revised it to make it less of a fight and more of an altercation.
- I made Trevor’s response more of concern than of focusing on the bet.
- I took out the overwhelming procedure (and in fact the whole incident) of the car accident.
Things I still need to work on: description!
Anyway, if you’re so inclined, take a look, leave a comment at either site or right here or you can even email me NicoleTHelm@gmail.com. I don’t know how long I’ll leave the revised chapter up, as I will definitely delete it before I submit to a publisher. Still, it would be nice to get some feedback on if the revisions helped any of the issues.