Balance

I’m searching for balance right now.  I think most people search for balance in their lives, how to weave together friends, family, self, job, creative outlets, etc. into one great life.  And it’s a continuous search.  Has anyone ever found the perfect balance?  Doubtful.

Anyway, I struggle with balance the most when I’m enjoying writing, because I could quite happily sit somewhere alone and shut out the rest of my life.  My job, my family, everything. I can’t help but feel a little selfish, a little heartless when I feel this way, but the feeling is there.  Sometimes, when knee deep in a story, I just want to live in that story until all the words in my head and heart are out in black and white.

It’s hard for non-writers to understand this and almost all of the important people in my life are non-writers.

I suppose as a writer, one who loves playing with words and expressing things through words, I should be able to adequately explain this want to shut myself out, but I haven’t quite succeeded yet.

And it’s hard to justify that need.  I have a family that needs my attention, student loans and a mortgage that need to be paid off by my non-writing career.

And yet, writing fulfills me.  Makes me a happier person.  Makes me more willing and content when doing those non-writing chores (if it’s on my own time).

Right now, all I want to do is lose myself in my story, but the real world keeps butting in.  I seek balance and at the same time, I don’t really want it.  I just want to write.